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Taking care of your children is a full-time job and the decision to stay at home is a difficult decision for many parents. But a father on Reddit is urging his wife, who is a homemaker (SAHM), to go back to work — because she doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to their 3-year-old son.
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In the “Am I the A-Hole?” subreddit, a father wrote that he and his wife both worked full-time when their son was born, and that they placed their son in daycare after his wife’s maternity leave. However, since his wife lost her job early in the COVID-19 pandemic, she became SAHM. He wrote: “Our finances have taken a hit with just one income, but we’re making it work. Savings on childcare are helping, but it doesn’t fully offset my wife’s previous income.” But the finances aren’t why he wants his wife back to work.
“My wife LOVES being a SAHM,” the father wrote. “She’s become part of a ‘mothers’ group’ that gets together maybe three or four times a week and lets her kids play together. But it seems like every time they go to these things our son gets hurt. So far nothing but dents, bruises and scratches. I know kids get these things on a daily basis. But it seems like every time they go to these mothers’ groups, our son comes home with a new injury. I spoke to my wife about it and she told me it’s just kids being kids and they’re going to get bumps and bruises.”
Hmm – it doesn’t look weird so far. children do often get hurt, especially when they get together with their friends. And toddlers aren’t exactly known for playing nicely. However, the accidents and injuries escalated to such an extent that the emergency room had to be visited. The father says his wife called him from the emergency room last week.
“Apparently they had gone to one of the mother’s houses and the children were playing outside,” he wrote. “The family has a few of these power wheel cars and our son ended up being hit by another kid who was driving one. His leg was cut open quite a bit and required stitches and he was also quite scraped but luckily nothing serious.”
At first his wife said it was just an accident and “[I]It didn’t go that fast and she was really mad at herself,” he continued.
But the father spoke to his son about it, learning “that he was being dragged along a long time after the kid hit him and that mom wasn’t there to help him and he was scared.”
So he confronted his wife about it. “She admitted she was chatting to other moms indoors while it was happening,” he said. “When it happened, other moms were out there, but my wife wasn’t out there. I was angry. I didn’t yell at her, but I definitely had some strong words for her. I told her that being a SAHM doesn’t mean she only spends time with other moms instead of babysitting our son. I told her I wanted to put our son back in daycare and put her back to work.”
He continued: “I told her I wouldn’t work my ass off to support her mum’s social time unless she at least makes sure our son doesn’t get run over and pulled by a runaway drive wheel. She started crying and told me that I was an asshole and that she already felt enough guilt about what happened. I’ve told her that she obviously doesn’t feel guilty enough to tell me the truth right away and that I feel like my trust is being questioned.”
The father insisted that their son go back to kindergarten and that his wife go back to work. After their argument, he said she was “extra vigilant about our son,” which he says is her way of “trying to convince me not to put him in daycare.”
Normally, it would be difficult to side with a parent who seems to be trying to dictate what their partner does, but in this case, they’re putting their son’s health and safety ahead of everything else — which is commendable.
Reddit seems to agree. One person wrote: “Happening once… Ok they’re kids. You will fall and hurt yourself…. part of life! Occurs twice…. Okay, no big deal…. Children stay children! But every damn time?! Sorry, but that’s nonsense! Past injuries weren’t that dramatic, but this one? It could have been so much worse! Stand your ground OP. No social time is worth your child getting hurt EVERY SINGLE TIME!”
“It’s not even like kids stay kids,” wrote another person. “I mean, my brother got stitches because a rock rebounded after hitting the bank of a creek wrong. things happen. It is the fact that this seems intentional on the part of the other children and what the son himself said. The rest deserves discussion, but if my child doesn’t feel safe and tells me they can’t trust going to the other parent because of my partner’s choices, that would be it for me. This is ultimatum time.”
Someone else said, “NTA. 3-4 times a week and your kid will get hurt every time. That’s exaggerated. And I say that as a mom with a clumsy child. Honestly, the trick is that she leaves the 3 year old unattended and then lies about it. She knew she was wrong about that, otherwise she wouldn’t have lied. This is 100% just social time for Mom, which takes a lot out of you.”
It’s one thing for a mom to need social time with other moms — we all need adult communication and connection — but it’s quite another when she’s using playdates as an excuse to not watch her child, and you child is repeatedly injured as a result. Hopefully they can find a solution that prioritizes their son’s safety.
Even if you’re famous, mothering guilt is a thing, as these celebrity moms show.
