How I had sex and dated while living in a van for 4 years

When people find out I lived in a van for four years, many ask how that affected my personal life.
Sex in a van is pretty much the same as outside of a van, but there’s a lot less headroom.
Van life relationships can be both tough and rewarding. It is important to set clear boundaries.

Love, sex and relationships can be messy regardless of your life situation. It can be especially tricky living in a van, which is what I chose to do for four years.

Here are my answers to some of the most common questions people ask me about how being on the street has affected my sex and love life, along with the lessons I’ve learned from the relationships around me.

Is sex different in such a small space?

Sex in a van is just like sex anywhere else, but with less headroom.

Most vans have a bed platform at the rear of the vehicle, and headroom can vary from a reasonable 5 feet to a very comfortable 2 feet.

The limiting factor is whether or not both people can lie comfortably in the space available to them. If they can’t, they have to get creative.

What did you learn from having sex in a van?

I moved from my parents house to a van in 2016.

Kay Lindsay

These are some of the most important things I’ve learned about having an active sex life on the go.

Baby wipes are your friend when it comes to keeping things clean.
Sexual health and maintenance are still important, so always pee after sex to reduce the risk of urinary tract infection. Your urine glass should be nearby.
Some positions, like cowgirl, are less doable unless you have a lot of headroom or decide to bring things down to earth.
Position yourself and your partner lengthways in the van to reduce rocking and wobbling. Vehicles will shake more if you rock them side to side instead of front to back.
Be safe when doing the act and stick to forest service areas or campgrounds. Get at least some heavy duty curtains.

What is it like living in such a small space with your partner?

Living in a van with someone is really fun. It’s great to have your adventure partner with you to share road trip music and admire the stars, but living in confined spaces and managing road trip logistics together can also be very difficult.

The most common relationship model I see is two people living together in the same van. This often works well because many people in this situation have decided to move out of a house or apartment into a van together.

When you’re traveling in a relationship, you immediately engage with every tiny, uncomfortable detail. You have nowhere to go, so you must resolve conflicts immediately. Besides, you always are, and I mean always, clean up one by one.

For some people, this dynamic ends a relationship pretty quickly. For others, it helps to reinforce the reasons why they work well together.

How does the relationship change when two people live in different vans?

Some couples live in separate vans but travel to the same places together.

Kay Lindsay

If you are single and traveling around, chances are you will meet someone else who is single and traveling. When this happens, it’s only natural that the two of you decide to travel to the same places together for a while.

Finding parking for two vans at campgrounds, in friends’ driveways, and on lots is a lot harder than finding space for one van.

Two vans can sometimes feel exceptionally unwieldy for travel. I’ve also found that you end up spending the most time in the van that has the larger bed.

What’s it like dating someone who lives in a house when you live in a van?

You meet a lot of cool people when you travel in a van, and a lot of those people have houses.

My best advice is to try not to move into her driveway right away. When you’re out and about, you can get used to a communal way of life, sharing campsites and dinners with nearby strangers. But remember, that’s not how most people think about their space. So don’t be a chump.

I’ve found that it’s best not to treat your partner’s home as a place to check off your to-do list or you’ll ruin the romance. Most people won’t feel comfortable coming into town just to sleep in their driveway, use their shower, do laundry, and then leave.

What if you live in a house and your partner lives on the street?

I’ve grown accustomed to the communal nature of van life, which is rare and not common in many other places.